I should have moved by now. I have the funds and half my things packed( the rest I am going through and hopefully clearing some out). New Jersey is just too expensive on your own. So I had to accept it, that I can't go. This was extremely hard. It made me sick to my stomach. Upon telling people a lot of them responded with " well I don't really care for NJ", without even realizing what they were saying. It's fine that they don't like NJ,they don't have to. But, I do! That's why I was planning on moving there until everything fell apart.
FL doesn't work for me. It never really did and never really will. It's hard to explain how every waking moment I just feel awkward and out of place here. Not just where I live, I have been all over the state and I feel nothing. I don't click with any of it. There's some awesome towns and really great people spread about, but I still have no connection. I'm not meant to be here ( a little a la Jack Shepard).
This got me thinking about other options. California has been in the back of my mind for a while now. Not that it has anything to do my decision making, but people have been agreeing and saying "go out there". I met some people from CA recently and they moved there from a far and love it there. How they described it was quite appealing. I then had a long conversation with an old school mate who just moved out there from here and we have the same mind set about here and how she went on about CA was quite appealing as well. I want to at some point go out there to check things out and if it feels right, I'm pretty much gone.
I wanted to have visited by now, but with the whole car situation right now, everything is up in the air. I can not plan anything. I'll more then likely go out there later on in the year as I have been in contact with Dan Smith out there about some tattoos. i can't wait!
Meanwhile I work 6 days a week and try not to let the snobs get to me. Come home to abusive alcoholics who are in denial, hooray! Every week here it seems like there is some new drama over nothing. Good times be in the middle of it all.
And yeah yeah, I've heard it all before. Only you can make a town better, get involved! But if no one really cares about what you're doing or contributing, how in the hell can you improve anything?!
If I want to get anywhere with my photography, which is what I went to school for, I have to get away from here. The club scene of Miami is not for me kids, not for me.
Eh. I don't even know where I am going with this anymore.
Friday, June 4, 2010
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